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Another one bites the dust, but hey! Who’s counting?

Hello there: it’s me, Jalyssa T. Woodall! And yes, here I am after yet another failed relationship. If you’re like any of my friends, you may be wondering (or not, because I am a random person you don’t know from the internet), how is it this girl single? She’s easy to look at, doesn’t seem to have any drama going on, and she’s a little funny too.

Well let me tell you *slaps knee* it’s actually pretty darn easy. 

Because whenever I get into a relationship, situationship, or any kind of ship, I just quit.

Each and every time…I quit.

Relationships are not like what they portray on Disney Channel, and issues do not get resolved as quickly as they do in movies. Relationships take time and have hurdles, and you really gotta decide if you’re down to ride for a homicide.

But you see, me? I thought the next relationship I got in would be easy peasy lemon squeezy! I took the time to be alone. I healed myself! So I’m expecting no real work, no compromise, and I thought it would be… perfect (mistake #1). But honestly, for a while it was!

The guy checked all my boxes. He had his own house, own car, no kids, and gave me my space. Real grown man shit! But somehow, I still managed to get here. Because I quit.

Unfortunately, quitting is kinda my thing. Here’s a quick story:

When I was in the second grade I decided to participate in the spelling bee. I really wanted to win so I studied hard! Like hard hard. I freaked myself out at the tunnel vision I had for this spelling bee.

To encourage me to relax, my Mom told me to pray and ask God to give me the desires of my heart. So in true Jalyssa fashion, I did exactly what my Mommy said and prayed.

The day of the spelling bee comes and I’m ecstatic! Round one? Nailed it! I don’t remember the word I had to spell (it was a good 20 years ago) but I do know I bodied it and moved on to round two.

Round two comes and the judges basically say, “SEE YA, WOULDN’T WANNA BE YA!!”

I was out with the quickness! Ya girl was hurt.

All my hard work amounted to nothing, and I didn’t want to try anything new ever again.

So, I got even more in tune with my studies. Studies are different from extracurricular activities. There is no winner or loser—it was just my grades and my work ethic. As my peers joined sports teams and did dance competitions, I stayed with my school work and played it safe.

But after transferring to a new school, and having had great grades for years I decided what the hey! Let me try something new for once and join the cheerleading squad.

I auditioned, made the team, and next thing you know it’s practice time!

I was feeling it. In my cute little shorts and high ponytail. But after a few months, I was over it. So I ended up quitting. Yeah, I wasn’t passionate about it, but that’s not why I quit. I quit because shit got hard.

After my failed cheer attempt there was the failed track team attempt (the coach told me I ran like I was going to the store *whispers* bitch), my failed band attempt (the recorder was hard) and my failed praise dance team attempt (yes, I even quit on my church. Terrible).

Now I’m damn near 30 and lowkey not even surprised that I’m quitting relationships all willy nilly. I clearly don’t like to put in the work.

And it’s crazy because this last one didn’t even require tons of work. It’s not like he lived with me, or needed money for a green card. The man truly did nothing wrong. But I’m just still so stuck in my quitting ways. 

Hmm, how can I say this without telling all our business?

Basically, we had very different work schedules. He got off work later than me, but we both had weekends off.

But in true, I-don’t-wanna-work-hard-Jalyssa fashion, I didn’t bend at all. So even though I don’t go to bed until late anyway, he couldn’t come over after work because I’d be “tired”. And even though we both had weekends off, on Saturday’s I like to run my errands so I couldn’t hang. On Sunday, I watch church in the morning and have weekly calls with my family at night so I was only available from about 2-6 PM.

And yall, this was my BOYFRIEND. Not a homie, not a situationship, but my actual boyfriend. He was such a good sport, too! He put up with my unrealistic measures and didn’t put too much pressure on me at all. He would always say things like “I don’t wanna take anything from you” and “I know how you are with your routines.”  

Sweet as hell! Ideal AF! But I just… wasn’t ready.

Because news flash, when you’re in a relationship you have to compromise, bend, and be flexible even when it makes you uncomfortable. You and your partner signed up for this together. It’s no longer only about you!

But just like when praise dance got hard at church… I quit.

I told my two-month-long boyfriend that I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. I felt emotionally detached.

Ouch.

As tough as it was to say, that was the truth and I wanted to be honest. And now that I think about it, one layer under being “not ready” is the fact that I’m always quitting when things get hard.

Sure, it would be hard to stay up late and hang out once or twice a week. But it’s a relationship, you make it work.

And sure, it would be hard to break my Saturday Aldi routine, but it’s a relationship, you make it work.

And sure, it would be hard to get emotionally attached to a guy again knowing how intense and lowkey crazy I can get, but I was in a relationship—I could’ve made it work.

But instead, I was cold, distant, and doing the bare minimum.  Now I’m here—quitting for the umpteenth time.

I hate to say the whole “it’s not you, it’s me” thing, but that shit’s real. Sometimes people are genuinely not ready. Sometimes people genuinely stand in their own way. So until I learn to be a big girl and endure a relationship and all that comes with it…I guess I’ll be quitting.

Now before I end this story, I gotta give a shout out to all the real couples out there. The ones who have been together for years, the ones who have endured through the struggles and hurdles of being in a relationship, the ones that don’t just quit. Yall are the real MVP and yall are lowkey goals.

It takes a lot to grow in general, but a hell of a lot to grow with a partner. So I’m proud of yall, and truly wish yall the best. 

And as for me, I guess I’ll add quitting to the long list of things I have to work on as a person. *deep dramatic sigh *

‘Til next time.

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